Evelyn (PEGGY) ROSE Johnson

NAME OF DECEASED: EVELYN ROSE JOHNSON aka PEGGY JOHNSON
PASSED AWAY 22ND AUGUST 2005
LIVED DAGENHAM, ESSEX

MY NAN … PEGGY (EVELYN ROSE JOHNSON) PASSED MONDAY 22nd AUGUST 2005

I love & miss my Nan & Grandad dearly, but this memorial is a special tribute to my Nan. I’d
always been very close to her and for a couple of years actually lived with her - just me and my
Nan. Her real name was Evelyn, but everyone knew her as Peggy since she was a little girl ... I
didn't even know that wasn't her real name until I lived with her and noticed her post was addressed
to Evelyn Rose Johnson. When my Nan was a little girl, everyone nicknamed her 'PegTops' and from
thereon the name changed to Peggy and ever since then she remained Peggy.

My Nan took me in when I needed her and she let me have the freedom of her home, with no questions.
We did loads together; I’d take her shopping or visiting family, we started going bingo twice a
week, we used to view show homes at the weekend (just for fun), I’d take her to the crematorium to
visit Grandad or we’d just sit at home together reading or watching TV.

After living with my Nan for a couple of years, my boyfriend and I got our own flat together, but
I’d still visit my Nan on a regular basis (at least once a week). A couple of years had passed
and as time went on me and my family noticed that Nan was getting forgetful; sometimes leaving the
gas on without it being lit, or forgetting her keys when she went out and sometimes leaving her keys
in the front door when she was at home. She was also repeating herself a lot without realising.
Gradually her forgetfulness got worse to the extent she was a danger to herself. It was very
worrying for all the family. We realised Alzheimer’s had taken a hold on her and it was decided
that she would be better off in a Residential Home for the Elderly. She thrived in her first
Residential Home and the carers were wonderful always ensuring she was clean and fed well. However,
although I believe my Nan was happy there, she was not one to be confined and she always caused
havoc in the home. We were informed on a number of occasions by the carers that she continually
tried to ‘escape’ setting off the fire exit alarms as she tried to open the doors to get out.
She spoke her mind and was always cheeky to them. Unfortunately it got to a point that the carers at
the home could not handle her any longer and she was transferred to a more ‘secure’ Residential
Home in Barking (Essex) about 15 minutes further away.

I continued to make regular visits to her (mostly at weekends as I worked long hours during the
week) but noticed that at this new home she was not as happy, they did not give her the care and
attention she needed and so rightly deserved. I noticed on a few occasions she was not wearing her
‘own’ clothes, instead there were clothes belonging to other residents in her wardrobe.
Sometimes she’d even be wearing men’s slippers. Christmas and Birthday gifts that my family and
I had bought her disappeared with no explanation (when asked the carers knew nothing of their
whereabouts). She had sores and marks on her legs or arms - when questioned we were told that she
had walked into a door or banged herself. Her hygiene was not as it used to be, her hair which used
to be brushed or trimmed regular at the other home, was all over the place. They told me that
although she was not as agile as she used to be, my Nan still had a lot of strength and used to move
furniture around in her room often banging herself, hence that’s where the marks had come from on
her body. The bandages & dressings which were put on her sores were not always clean and when I
asked when they’d last been changed, I was told that she would not allow the nurses to change the
dressing as often as they would like. Sometimes when I arrived at the end of the dinner session, I
find my Nan sitting in a chair on her own (not at the dinner table with the others); instead she had
a tray in front of her and left to feed herself - bearing in mind she was losing her sight (having
cataracts in her eyes) and she had no sense of smell, so often her dinner was left and then removed
from her at the end of the meal time, with no sign of it being touched. Again when I asked what
she’d had to eat or why no-one had helped her, I was told that she’d had a big breakfast and
probably wasn’t hungry or that they’d try to feed her but she wouldn’t let them. In view of
this I began to make my visits prior to dinner times just so I could be there to help feed her -
often she was to gulp it down like she hadn’t eaten for days. I hated her being there and wanted
her closer to me and the rest of her family - there were a few residential homes in the local
vicinity to where I lived. My aunt (who had the contacts and made all previous arrangements for my
Nan), tried on a number of occasions to get my Nan moved to a more local Care Home, but because she
had previously lived in a different Council Borough (she lived in Dagenham & Redbridge Council
Borough and we wanted her moved to Thurrock area), she kept coming up against red tape not allowing
her to move. They kept saying there was either no room in the Care Homes near us or there was no
chance of her moving as they could not find a suitable ‘Secure’ Residential Home in the Thurrock
Area. Half the time the truth is that it involved different Boroughs and they couldn’t be
bothered, but we continued to try. We even considered one of us bringing her home to live but this
would not possible as there were so many problems, she was not agile, she was very weak & forgetful
and needed 24/7 care. After a time, whenever I visited her she got less and less aware of me being
there, she grew weaker and thinner every time.


It was 22nd August 2005 and I was in Belgium having a long weekend away at a friends house. I had
two mobile phones at the time, one was my own private one and the other was a work’s mobile, I
never usually switch my works mobile off but on this occasion I did. I only had a little battery
left on my own mobile so wanted to save the battery on my work’s phone in case I needed to use it
on the way home - having forgotten to bring my phones chargers with me on this weekend away - again
this is something I never usually forget to do. I had a great weekend, but my world came crashing
down when at 8am on the Monday morning I switched my work’s mobile on getting ready to come
home… I received four answer phone messages, one from the Care Home where my Nan lived who had
asked me to call them and the others were from my aunt in England who it seems had been trying to
reach me since Saturday night, she only had my work’s mobile phone number as for some reason I’d
forgotten to give her my personal one. The answer phone messages were asking me to call her as soon
as possible - I had an terrible feeling about the call I was to make back home. I called her
immediately I got the message and she told me that she’d been trying to reach me since Saturday,
as my Nan had been taken into hospital having been ill since the Friday (the day I’d left on-route
to Belgium). There followed the heartbreaking news that My Nan had passed away only two hours
before, at 6am that Monday morning. My aunt didn’t know I was away and had tried in vain to reach
me both on my mobile and at home. Unfortunately my Mum and aunt had fallen out a number of years
before and did not keep in contact with each other - I was the liaison between the two of them when
it involved my Nan. So my aunt did not have my mothers telephone number nor did she know when she
lived, so she was unable to notify my mum of anything happening. I broke down in tears and
couldn’t talk to her. Ken (my boyfriend) took the phone from me realising immediately what had
been told to me, he spoke with my aunt to find out exactly what had happened. I knew I had to call
my Mum to let her know, but was finding it so hard to talk. Eventually I made THAT heartbreaking
call - I was sobbing so much when I called my mum and I think she knew before I even had the chance
to talk. I had to get home as quickly as I could - I had to see my Nan. Ken drove like crazy to
get me back to England, knowing how much my Nan meant to me. We went straight to the hospital but
they would not let me see her, she was in the mortuary.

It was not until 3 days later that I was able to see her; She was at the chapel of rest in the
Funeral Home. I walked into the room where she laid peacefully in her coffin. She looked beautiful,
I broke down and cried.
Holding her hand, I didn’t want let go. I just stood there, looking down at her with tears running
down my cheeks.

I spent as much time as I could with her each day I visited her there, always holding her hand,
wishing that she would open her eyes again. I would talk to her about our times together. Telling
her how sorry I was that I was not there with her in her last moments on this earth.

The day before her funeral was the last day I could see her. I spent as long as I could there,
saying my goodbyes. I kissed her forehead and held her hand one last time, then placed a special
message in her hand along with a poem…. This poem was also read out at her funeral;

ANOTHER TEAR ON MY PILLOW - FOR MY NAN (by Maria, 1st Grand-Daughter, 1st Grand-Child)

Another tear on my pillow, I cried it for you.
Wishing you are with me now, there's nothing more I can do.

It's so hard to believe you're no longer here, and I don't think I ever will.
Because everything that once moved, now stands completely still.

You were the Best Nan, you are now the brightest Star.
I know you'll always be with me and you'll never be far.

I will always be crying inside, from the morning till night.
Wishing you were here with me now, to hug and hold you tight.

We were close Nan, and you knew that too.
The day God took you from me, I didn't know what to do.

He wanted a Special Angel, to watch over us all.
And He decided you were the one, and you heard Him call.

I have so many great memories of our time together,
Me and my Nan; those memories will last Forever.

May God Bless you and keep you close by,
But though I know you're in a better place now, I will always ask WHY ?

I Love and miss you Nan and I always will,
Say Hi to Grandad for me and tell him I Love him and think of him still.

The following memoirs were written by me, the day before her funeral.

I'll always remember my Nan. She'd have the best garden in the street; her flowers were always
blooming and her lawn immaculate, she loved her gardening. She had a greenhouse in her back garden
which was always full of tomatoes, whenever we went round you could be sure to come away with a
handful of them. Nan also loved reading her books, usually by author Catherine Cookson and I know
that's where I get my love of reading from.

I remember when I lived with my Nan, that will be a time I'll never forget. We had some fun
together; on Wednesday's we started to go to Bingo and we even won a few times too. On Saturday,
we'd go shopping into Romford or Grays and we'd have pie & mash (Nan's favourite), or bring fish and
chips back with us. Sometimes we used to go viewing show-houses which were for sale, just for a
nose around. Or we'd go visit family, like my mum or my sister Tina, or both. Sundays it was a
trip to Dagenham market or boot-sales, picking up her 50p bargains.

When I lived with my Nan, she'd make sure I was up sharp and early in the mornings to get ready for
work. Already she would have been up and out the door at 5am going down the local newsagents,
often waiting for them to open, to pick up the newspapers for her neighbours, then she'd deliver
them all before they'd even got out of bed. I'd always get up to a cup of tea and toast for
breakfast. Then she'd settle back in her leather chair and carry on reading her book, with breakfast
TV. on in the background. My sandwiches for lunch were already made and waiting for me in the
kitchen. The evenings would be the same routine, I get home and a cup of tea would be on the table
within 10 minutes. She'd set up the table ready for dinner while I was in the bedroom changing from
my work clothes, then I'd come downstairs to the smell of home cooking and my dinner always on the
table, she did spoil me and I wasn't complaining.

She was a Vernons football pools agent for years and still at an age when most people would be
sitting back and taking it easy, she would be going out at 6pm regular on her bicycle to do her
collections, even tackling the cold winter nights. Then she'd come back, sit in her chair and sort
the money out with all the football coupons spread out in front of her.

My Nan knew that eventually I would move out and get my own place with my boyfriend Ken, I even
started to take over the spare bedroom as storage for all the homely things I would buy. When I did
eventually move out from my Nan's, it was an exciting time for me but sad as well. My Nan had been
alone for a few years since my Grandad had passed away, then I'd moved into her home causing havoc
along the way and completely changing her lifestyle. Suddenly I was moving out to start my own life
with Ken and leaving her alone again. My visits didn't stop though and I continued to visit her as
often as possible, even still taking her out on Saturdays to go shopping.

I noticed over the years that her memory was failing and she started to repeat herself a lot and
forget certain things, Alzheimer’s was taking hold of her. It was a sad thing, she had always
been an active person and suddenly my Nan was getting frail and very forgetful and it was decided
that it wasn't safe for her to be living on her own any more. After all these years, she was the
one who needed to be cared for and was given a place in a residential home. She deteriorated over
the years, the illness had taken it's toll on her and at times she didn't know her own family, those
who visited her.

When I was told that my Nan had passed away last week, I was and still am devastated. The pain in
my heart will go on and I will always be crying inside, I loved her so much, always will and shall
never forget her.

God has taken my Nan from me, but I know that she is in a better place now. She is no longer
tortured by the illness that took her over. I will always have my memories of her, they will be
with me forever.
Nan, may you now Rest In Peace. .
You'll be forever in our Hearts, with Love from Maria and Ken x x x

Unfortunately there were many memoirs from other family members so mine was not read aloud at her
funeral, though my poem was. I’ll always be grateful of that.

I loved my Nan so much and miss her like crazy. I still think of her every day without fail and
often cry in secret… thinking of the good times we had together. The pain of losing her with
never leave me.
I try to visit her grave as often as possible. She use to love her garden, so me and my Mum have
tried to make her ‘new’ garden as pretty as hers used to be.

Whenever I feel lonely, upset or have problems, I will go and sit by her graveside and talk to her,
I know she is listening to me and feel at peace when I am there.




Since that weekend in August 2005, I have been overcome with guilt which I will never lose.
Guilt that I’d switched off my mobile phone, which I never usually do.
Guilt that I hadn’t given my aunt an alternative telephone number to reach me in an emergency.
Guilt that I was not at home that fateful weekend to be with my Nan when she needed me most.
Guilt that I was not able to get the message to my Mum to get to the hospital to see my Nan (her
Mum) before it was too late
Guilt that I was enjoying myself while at home my dear Nan was dying and probably wondering why her
granddaughter was not there with her when she needed me most.
GUILT that I will never get over.
My Nan passed away without me being beside her … she needed me that weekend and I was away
enjoying myself.

I should have been at her side, holding her hand… I just pray that, one day, my Nan will forgive
me.

I pray that my Mum will forgive me; as I feel guilty that I deprived my Mum of her last moments with
her dear Mum.

I pray that my Nan has found the peace that she so rightly deserves.

As I write this, the tears flow down my cheeks -- another day another tear, the pain of losing her
will never fade.
Love you always and Forever, Maria x x x